My friend Emily took a day off from confronting her ghosts (http://wheelsonthebus.wordpress.com/2007/09/) to post on a issue near and dear to both of our hearts: breastfeeding. We have both breastfed two children, and both just finished--me for probably the last time (unless my IUD stops working). Her post draws to our attention the recent comments by Bill Maher about public breastfeeding, and since I hadn't seen it, I pulled up Youtube, prepared to be shocked and offended. The problem is, Bill Maher made me laugh.
Don't get me wrong: I LOVE nursing. I am a Pediatric nurse, a trained doula, a certified breastfeeding support RN, and a two-time milk-slinging Mamma. I think just about everyone should do it. Everywhere. But I always covered up (with my clothes and my baby). I don't think it's too much to ask: I wouldn't want to see someone completely open in public either, and it seems to me that these are the women that get this kind of negative feedback, as no one ever said anything to me about nursing in public. And I nursed everywhere. In fact, when I asked my waiters or waitresses if it was OK, in order to be sensitive, they always said "Of course!" The woman in Applebees wasn't asked to stop, she was just asked to cover up more. I never put a blanket over my children's head (as we all know it would have stayed there for about 3 seconds) and I was always covered. Were I to expose myself, I would have needed to do it deliberately, or just not taken the final step of pulling my shirt back down so that the top of my breast wasn't exposed. "Lazy" might be a strong word, but the extra effort required is rather small...
Now, instead of arguing with Bill Maher over complaining about this, we need to complain when we are forced to stare gratuitously at people's bodies in other contexts as well, like in commercials or television shows, where a human isn't being fed. Actresses today think they need to dress and act like whores to get public approval, and they are absolutely rewarded for it. I want my children to have role models who cover more than 1/4 of their body in clothing, and who aren't one bottle of Vicodin away from another pantie-less photo. And in the world right around me, I want to stop seeing men urinating on the side of buildings. I want to stop seeing people's thongs and plunging cleavage. I want to be able to go to a movie theater and not have to deal with the Nasty couple with no other place to go but a 3 hour movie to get it on (Who knew that being a Tolkien fan could expose you to such torture?).
I support breastfeeding 110% when it is not contraindicated (HIV+ women, and women who use cocaine or other dangerous drugs that cross the blood-milk barrier should not breastfeed), but I also support civility, and to me, public exposure is public exposure (keep in mind, though, I am the person who has her naked 4 year old pee on the front lawn in the summertime rather than take a wet kid in the house. When that's not cute anymore, it will stop).
Please nurse your babies. Please don't let this dialogue dissuade you from public breastfeeding: it is much easier to be discreet than it sounds!
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3 comments:
I never got any guff, either. But I will say that here in London, people are really uncomfortable with public breastfeeding, to the point that so many women fail at it because they feel like they have to only do it in their homes. I breastfed one baby in Philly and one in London, and I can tell you it is a whole other experience here. It never bothered ME because I'm AMerican and we do wierd things. But I can see how the attitude that you should keep it hidden can be taken to an extreme and can make it really hard for women to succeed at nursing.
Thanks for posting on this!
I don't think it's that simple. My first baby would latch on and let go several times before she would suckle, and every time she let go, my nipple was exposed. If I could only be in public if I was "discreet," I would never have left the house.
Well, I can certainly relate to that. My children went through those stages, which is why we weaned at 14 months and not 2 years. However, when they did that, I took myself to a more private place to nurse, when I could. I'm not saying I was incredibly prudish about it, but I found that people see a lot less than we think they do.
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